From The Onion:
Saying the now critically endangered species of politician is at high risk for complete extinction within the next 10 years, Beltway-area conservationists announced plans Monday for a new captive breeding program designed to save moderate Republicans.
According to members of the Initiative to Protect the Political Middle (IPPM), centrist Republicans, who once freely roamed the nation calling for both economic deregulation and a return to Reagan-era tax rates on the wealthy, are in dire need of protection, having lost large portions of their natural terrain to the highly territorial Evangelical and Tea Party breeds.
“Our new program is designed to isolate the few remaining specimens of moderate Republicans, mate them in captivity, and then safely release these rare and precious creatures back into the electorate,” said IPPM’s Cynthia Rollins, who traces the decline of the species to changes in the political climate and rampant, predatory fanaticism. “Within our safe, enclosed habitats, these middle-of-the-road Republican Party members can freely support increased funding for public education and even gay rights without being threatened by the far-right subgenus.”
Nice idea although some would argue that it’s too late for any kind of recovery plan; the RINO, they’ll tell you, has already gone extinct. I don’t agree. I believe there are moderate Republicans out there but they’re too afraid to show their faces for risk of getting their heads blown off. Understandable. Simply stating, for example, that one agrees with the 97 percent of the world’s climatologists who point to man-caused global warming is enough to force a Republican to surrender their IDR (Idiot Decoder Ring) and tinfoil hat at the nearest GOP headquarters. Sanity and rational thought are not looked upon with great favor in Wingnuttia.
So what’s it going to take for moderate Republicans to make a comeback in a political party that has veered so far to the right that Ronald Reagan would be asked to return his decoder ring if he was around today? A thorough thrashing at the ballot boxes in November would do the trick, I think. Nothing
repudiates refudiates behavior and policy better than a majority of citizens telling politicians to take their Stone Age, regressive ideas and shoving it.