Via Political Humor…
“Congratulations to Mitt Romney. He won the New Hampshire primary last night. See, this is proof that even the multimillionaire son of a multimillionaire can beat the odds and run for president of the United States.” –Jay Leno
“Rick Perry was philosophical about it. He said, ‘Last week was Iowa. Yesterday was New Hampshire. ‘ He said at least it’s giving him a chance to learn the names of all the states.” –Jay Leno
“Jon Huntsman finished third … and he said he’s happy with the momentum he gained this week. You know it’s got to be fun being a politician. You can spin everything. … Your plane is crashing and you’re saying, ‘We’re happy to be landing ahead of schedule.’” –Jay Leno
“Seventy-six percent of people polled thought that Mitt was short for mittens. I’d vote for him if his name was Mittens Romney. Other nations would fear us for being so adorable.” –Craig Ferguson
“Ron Paul finished second. … Paul says if he can sustain those kind of numbers … and if his message continues to resonate … and if Mitt Romney gets hit with a dump truck, he could still win this thing.” –Jimmy Kimmel
“This GOP race is heating up with the intensity of an Easy-Bake Oven.” –Jimmy Kimmel
“Yesterday Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt stopped by the White House. There was an awkward moment when they tried to adopt President Obama.” –Conan O’Brien
“In a speech, Ron Paul described himself to the crowd as ‘dangerous.’ Yeah, then one of his handlers fed him some warm milk through an eye dropper and he fell asleep in a shoebox.” –Conan O’Brien
“Nation, unless you live in a cave, I’m sure you’ve heard that yesterday’s New Hampshire primary was won by Mitt Romney. And if you do live in a cave, I’m guessing you voted for Ron Paul.” –Stephen Colbert
“Mitt Romney is saying his comments about liking to fire people were taken out of context. Yeah, what he actually said was he likes to set poor people on fire.” –Conan O’Brien
“I make my choice for president based on how well each candidate would handle an alien invasion.” –Jimmy Kimmel
“Newt Gingrich thinks he’s the man for the job. He got an important endorsement from Sarah Palin’s husband, Todd. He has the all-important ‘snowmobilers who wear sunglasses indoors’ demographic.” –Jimmy Kimmel
“Mitt Romney says he understands the middle class, and that he knows it’s not easy keeping a roof over your family’s heads — as well as vacation roofs in San Diego, New Hampshire, and Park City, Utah.” –Jay Leno
“During the debates I drank a shot every time I heard the word ‘contraception.’ I was more wasted than a contribution to Jon Huntsman.” –Stephen Colbert
“Fidel Castro declared that a robot would do a better job as president than Barack Obama. After hearing this, Mitt Romney thanked Castro for his endorsement.” –Conan O’Brien
“Jon Huntsman is surging in New Hampshire. And it lasts longer than four hours, he’d better call a doctor.” –David Letterman
“Don’t you think Ron Paul looks like one of those people they interview after every UFO sighting?” –David Letterman
“During yesterday’s debate, Mitt Romney said he wasn’t a career politician, and Newt Gingrich told him to drop the ‘pious baloney.’ Of course, when Romney dropped it, Newt was like, ‘Hey, you gonna eat that pious baloney?’” –Jimmy Fallon
___
Follow MarioPiperniDotCom on Facebook, Twitter and Google+.
.
“Fidel Castro declared that a robot would do a better job as president than Barack Obama.” Well in a way Fidel with his fear-monger strategy has reached his presidential goals without any interruptions from other parties.
And Happy Sunday to All!