Late Night Political Humor

Via Kurtzman…

“Sarah Palin met with Donald Trump in New York yesterday. Then Sarah Palin left by helicopter and shot that thing off Trump’s head.” –Craig Ferguson

“Sarah Palin met with Donald Trump in New York yesterday. They spent the meeting talking about the thing most important to them: TV ratings.” –Craig Ferguson

“Mitt Romney was on the ‘Today Show’ and admitted he likes to read the ‘Twilight’ books and watch ‘American Idol.’ If elected, he would be the 1st Mormon and the 1st 13-year-old girl to be President.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“In real life, in my memory, this guy had a lot more ‘Anthony’ and a lot less ‘Weiner.’ … “The only thing they have in common is that they both lean to the extreme left!” –Jon Stewart, on allegations that Rep. Anthony Weiner, a former housemate of Stewart’s, sent out a crotch photo from his Twitter account

“Sarah Palin may run for President. Doesn’t that thought make you nostalgic for last week when you only thought the world was going to end?” –Jay Leno

“This weekend Sarah Palin begins a nationwide bus tour, which I think is a good way for her to learn the names of all the states.” –Jay Leno

“I think Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin would be the perfect ticket. She can’t answer basic questions, and he has two answers for every question.” –Jay Leno

“Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a child with a maid. She kept the child secret for 14 years. John Edwards is going, ‘Why can’t I meet a chick like that?’” –Jay Leno

“You know what Arnold Schwarzenegger calls a quickie? A Minute Maid.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama arrived in France for the G8 summit, a meeting of the world’s top economic powers. To give you an idea of how bad our economy is doing, when the president arrived, the other countries were like, ‘What are you doing here?’” –Jay Leno

“The United States was able to find and kill Osama bin Laden because of a tip from one of his wives. When she saw a picture of his body, she said, ‘Now who can’t drive the car?’” –Conan O’Brien

“The Supreme Court has upheld Arizona’s law which penalizes employers for hiring workers who are in the country illegally. And in a related story, in Phoenix a head of lettuce now costs 137 dollars.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama was in Ireland last week. While he was there, his Secret Service codename was, “the black guy that’s in Ireland.’” –Conan O’Brien

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