Late Night Political Humor

Humor - Late Night  :

More late night political humor via Daniel Kurtzman’s Political Humor. Also an open thread.

Happy Friday.

“On Sunday the White House will hold a private swearing-in ceremony for President Obama. Not to be outdone, on Sunday Republicans will hold a private swearing-at ceremony for President Obama.” –Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama’s half-brother is running for political office in Kenya. Donald Trump has already accused him of being born in the United States.” –Conan O’Brien

“Thousands of dead fish have now washed up on shore along the coast of South Carolina. Today the NRA said that this wouldn’t have happened if those fish had guns.” –Jay Leno

“Ann Romney, the wife of Mitt Romney, has reportedly turned down a chance to appear on ‘Dancing With the Stars.’ Apparently, she has something called ‘self-respect.'” –Jay Leno

Mitt and Ann Romney - the Tragicomedy Ends :

“Actually, she says she loves to dance and is a big fan of the show, but she said she’d rather stay home with the Biggest Loser.” –Jay Leno

“It’s reported that if you’re playing Angry Birds, the company is tracking your location. This may seem silly to you, but it’s actually how we got bin Laden.” –Conan O’Brien

“President Obama’s inaugural parade will feature eight floats, including a Hawaii float to honor his birthplace, an Illinois float to honor the first lady’s home state, and a Kenyan float just to mess with Republicans.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Republicans and Democrats are working on a new bill to streamline the healthcare system. It will reduce the cost of mammograms and prostate exams. But don’t worry. They’ll still be free at the airport.” –Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama is coming under criticism that his new administration has less diversity than his first one. Which is why this morning Obama said, ‘All right, fine, I am a Muslim.” –Conan O’Brien

“An economist is suggesting that the U.S. Treasury mint a trillion-dollar county and deposit it in the federal reserve – which is how ‘The Lord of the Rings’ starts, isn’t it?” –Jimmy Kimmel

Money Trillion Dollar Coin :

“The Treasury will not mint a trillion-dollar coin. That is a shame. Wouldn’t it be nice to mint up nine or 10 and say we’re even?” –Jimmy Kimmel

“President Obama told Congress it must raise our debt limit because the U.S. ‘is not a deadbeat nation.” Then the president added, ‘By the way, if China calls, I’m not here.'” –Conan O’Brien

“Ten days from now Barack Obama will be inaugurated. I’m telling you, it is really starting to look bad for Mitt Romney.” –David Letterman

“President Obama’s inauguration is coming up. During next week’s inauguration, he will be sworn in with not one, but two Bibles. Relax, Mr. President. We get it. You’re not a Muslim. You’re overcompensating.” –Conan O’Brien

“Abraham Lincoln, our 16th president, has never been hotter. ‘Lincoln’ received 12 Oscar nominations. ‘Lincoln’ also received a nomination for best hat.” –David Letterman

Abraham Lincoln :

“President Obama recently came under fire over the lack of diversity in his cabinet. Then Obama said, ‘You guys know I’ll be there, too, right?'” –Jimmy Fallon


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5 thoughts on “Late Night Political Humor

  1. Just a question. Why don’t the Democrats bring the interpretation of the 2nd amendment to the supreme court to get an affrmation that assault weapons are not part of the 2nd amendment. ?

  2. @alwaysoccupy – I believe it is because of the same reason we don’t ask the Supreme Court to rule on all these anti-abortion bills in Republican Red States even though they go against the grain of Roe v Wade – we’re concerned that the “conservative” make up of the present day Supreme Court will vote their “ideology’ instead of the actual interpretation of Law !

    After “electing” Dubya Bush President during that debacle in 2004 and after permitting legal “corporate corruption” of our election process with Citizens United – we’ve lost all trust in the court.

  3. Public outcry and the fact that many in judicial positions have sided with the position of limits to the 2nd amendment ownership of certain type of guns, make this a huge risk for the NRA too – ie:

    Scalia has indicated that there are indeed limits to what weaponry you can own as a private citizen.
    Back in late July, the Huffington Post reported that, “Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia said Sunday that there are ‘undoubtedly’ limits to a person’s right to bear arms under the Second Amendment, but that future court cases will have to decide where to draw the line.”


    “If I were writing the Bill of Rights now there wouldn’t be any such thing as the Second Amendment…

    This has been the subject of one of the greatest pieces of fraud, I repeat the word ‘fraud’, on the American public by special interest groups that I have ever seen in my lifetime.
    The real purpose of the Second Amendment was to ensure that state armies – the militia – would be maintained for the defense of the state.

    The very language of the Second Amendment refutes any argument that it was intended to guarantee every citizen an unfettered right to any kind of weapon he or she desires.”

    – Warren Burger, former U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice

  4. One of Jimmy Fallon’s jokes was my favorite:

    “President Obama’s inaugural parade will feature eight floats, including a Hawaii float to honor his birthplace, an Illinois float to honor the first lady’s home state, and a Kenyan float just to mess with Republicans.”

    Got a good laugh out of that one.

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