Late Night Political Humor

More late night political humor via Daniel Kurtzman’s Political Humor. Also an open thread.

Happy Friday.

“They spotted Mitt Romney at Costco. One day you’re running for president f the United States. The next day you’re shopping at Costco for giant jugs of mayonnaise. While you’re at Costco, go ahead and return that Oval rug you ordered” –David Letterman

“The CEO of The Cheesecake Factory is now warning that Obamacare will be very costly. Hey, The Cheesecake Factory is one of the reasons we need Obamacare in the first place.” –Jay Leno

“A new book coming out reveals that Florida Sen. Marco Rubio was born a Catholic, became a Mormon, then returned to the Catholic church, then became a Baptist, then again returned to the Catholic church. And I think he’s at it again because he’s now asking people to call him Marco Rubinstein.” –Conan O’Brien

“Texas Gov. Rick Perry says he’s taking steps to run for president in 2016. In fact, this week he’s meeting with donors. He better hope they’re brain donors.” –Jay Leno

“General Petraeus is telling his friends he screwed up royally by having an affair with his biographer. Well, duh! If you want to keep an affair secret, don’t have sex with the woman who’s writing your life story.” –Jay Leno

“Since losing the election, Mitt Romney is reportedly bored. After hearing this, Ann Romney said, ‘You’re bored? I’m sitting around all day with Mitt Romney.'” –Conan O’Brien

“A lot of dissension among conservatives. One of the leaders of the Tea Party has resigned after a major split in the movement. The Tea Party is now divided between angry whites and even angrier whites.” –Conan O’Brien

Tea Party Toilet   -

“The CEO of the Olive Garden blames his company’s low profits on Obamacare – which is odd because most people won’t eat at the Olive Garden until they have health insurance.” –Conan O’Brien

“Mitt Romney of course lost the election. Think about it this way. One day you’re the Republican candidate running for president of the United States, and the next day you’re sitting in Applebee’s blowing on your soup.”  –David Letterman

“Mitt Romney has a new job. He’s going back to work. He got a job at a Marriott. When you’re at the front desk arguing over your mini bar bill, Mitt will be the guy that comes from out back and says, ‘I understand there’s some trouble?'” –David Letterman

“The Obamas have decorated the White House with 54 Christmas trees. It’s all part of their ‘For the last time, we’re not Muslim’ campaign.” –Conan O’Brien

“Today it was confirmed that Prince William and Kate Middleton are expecting their first baby. You can tell the baby’s a member of the royal family, because Kate said she can already feel it waving.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Friends of Mitt Romney are saying that he’s bored now that he’s no longer running for president – though not as bored as the rest of us were when he WAS running for president.” –Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama had lunch with Mitt Romney. There was an awkward moment when Romney looked around and said, ‘So how much do you want for the place.'” –Conan O’Brien

“House Speaker John Boehner’s office was invaded by a group of nude female protesters. Boehner’s unsure what they were protesting, but says he’ll definitely keep doing it.” –Conan O’Brien

Barack Obama -John Boehner - Bringing down the House  :


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4 thoughts on “Late Night Political Humor

  1. Today is rhe disgraceful Pearl Harbor… To tbe victims families, my condolences. My mom never let me firget.

  2. What is also sad is that the group of WWII vets who always met at Pearl Harbor to remember will no longer be meeting there. They say they have gotten too old and ill and there are no longer enough of them left to make the trip something they feel they can do any longer. I honor all of them and remember their sacrifices. Thank you for your service!

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