Late Night Political Humor

The best from Political Humor‘s collection of the week’s late night political humor.

Happy Friday.

“Republicans like Paul Ryan because they say he’s a fiscal conservative, and that’s a perfect balance for Romney who’s a guy that has an elevator for his Cadillacs.” –David Letterman

“Mitt Romney is hoping to energize Republicans by announcing Paul Ryan as his running mate. Seriously? That’s like trying to spice up a bowl of oatmeal with more oatmeal.” –Jimmy Fallon

“A new Gallup poll shows that only 1 in 10 Americans approve of the job Congress is doing. A 10 percent approval rating is about the same approval rating that rabies has.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Mitt Romney has picked Paul Ryan as his running mate. Experts say Ryan can add something vital to this campaign that Mitt Romney lacks: a personality.” –Jay Leno

“Tell me one area where Paul Ryan and Sarah Palin would disagree? I cannot find one area. So somehow he’s the smartest guy in the party and she’s the stupidest woman on earth, but they agree on everything.” –Bill Maher

“Mitt Romney kept his selection of Ryan as his VP nominee secret for more than a week. You know how he was able to keep it secret? He had it hidden next to his tax returns.” –Jay Leno

Mitt Romney - Wooden Nickel   :   http://mariopiperni.com/

“New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is going to be the keynote speaker at the Republican National Convention, and wherever Chris Christie goes you know what that means. That’s right, unlimited bread sticks.” –David Letterman

“Speaking of Paul Ryan, a new poll actually found that 42 percent of Americans do not approve of Mitt Romney’s running mate, which isn’t too bad considering most Americans don’t approve of Paul Ryan’s running mate.” –Jimmy Fallon

“It was a great Olympics – Team USA finished the games with 17 more medals than China. China said it was tough to swallow – especially when they had to make all of our “We’re #1” T-shirts.” –Jimmy Fallon

“In college Paul Ryan drove the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. So he and Romney have something in common. Both have the experience of driving a car with a dog on the roof.”  –David Letterman

“His eyes are just so blue. It’s like looking into a Smurf’s anus.” –Jon Stewart on Paul Ryan

David Letterman’s Top 10 Little-Known Facts About Paul Ryan
10. He’s only the 32nd white guy to become Republican vice presidential nominee.
9. Was runner-up on Season 3 of “The Bachelorette.”
8. Always shampoos once, conditions twice.
7. Got his start in Congress as John Boehner’s tanning boy.
6. Claims to be “a lady in the streets, but a freak in the sheets.”
5. Like the rest of America, wonders what Romney is hiding in his tax returns.
4. Has a good feeling about this Jennifer Aniston marriage working out.
3. Eats nothing but plants, berries and small turtles.
2. Even before working at Oscar Meyer, had reputation for “driving the wienermobile.”
1. Born in Kenya.

And the winner is…

“Have you seen these guys, Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan? They look like father and son dentists.” –David Letterman

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