Late Night Political Humor

The best from Political Humor‘s collection of the week’s late night political humor.

Happy Friday.

“During a fundraiser a country club in Mississippi, Mitt Romney said the GOP is a party focused on helping the poor. See, his wife Ann is right, he is funny. He can makes jokes.” –Jay Leno

“In 2012 I realized the company I was CEO of in 1999 did things that would hurt my presidential run in the present, so I retroactively wasn’t there.” –Jon Stewart, mocking Mitt Romney’s “retroactive retirement” from Bain Capital

“I was just the guy with the smoke screenish, yet still legal title of CEO and Managing Director who was paid at least $100,000 a year to do what, according to me, Mitt Romney, was nothing. That’s the kind of common sense business experience I hope to bring to the White House.” –Jon Stewart

“Nobody cares that Mitt Romney is rich. It’s Romney’s inability to understand the institutional advantage that he gains from the government’s tax code largesse, that’s a little offensive to people, especially considering Romney’s view on anyone else who looks to the government for things like, I don’t know, food and medicine.” –Jon Stewart

“In his new campaign ad, President Obama asks, ‘What is Mitt Romney hiding?’ My guess: a personality.” –Jay Leno

“We’re learning more and more about this guy Kim Jong-Un. New vicious, evil dictator of North Korea. Quite a . . . Apparently quite a ladies’ man. For a long time he was known as Kim Jong Clooney.” –David Letterman

“The boy Scouts of American has announced that they will continue to enforce their policy of banning openly gay boys from being scouts and openly gay adults from taking leadership positions in the organization. Between this and same sex marriage, people really don’t want gay people tying knots.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Every American athlete who wears the Chinese made uniforms will get a free bootleg copy of the new Batman movie.” –Jay Leno

“Sarah Palin hasn’t yet received an invitation to the Republican Convention…I don’t think she should feel bad. A lot of Republicans aren’t excited that Mitt Romney is going.” –Jay Leno

“Sarah Palin is saying she still hasn’t been invited to the Republican National Convention next month. The RNC says it’s all a misunderstanding — as in, Palin misunderstands the meaning of the phrase, ‘You’re not invited.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“Well, Harry Reid and other members of congress, they’re just furious over this Olympic uniform deal. He says we should burn the uniforms, and it’s an embarrassment and a disgrace. Not as embarrassing as congress constantly borrowing money from the Chinese, but still embarrassing.” –Jay Leno

“You know anything about North Korea? The evil North Koreans? They have a new evil dictator. But the kid is like 18 years old and he has a beautiful girlfriend. I mean a stunning, lovely girlfriend and they met through the North Korean dating service match.commie.” –David Letterman

“On Friday Oprah Winfrey interviewed Mitt Romney. They talked about politics, foreign policy, and what it’s like to lose a million dollars in the couch cushions.” –Conan O’Brien

“A new poll found that 54 percent of Florida voters think the country is on the wrong track under President Obama. While the rest of Florida’s voters still think Teddy Roosevelt is president.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Happy Friday the 13th – and to prove he’s not superstitious, Mitt Romney drove around with a black cat on the roof of his car.” –Jay Leno
“Yesterday, House Republicans held their 33rd vote to repeal Obama’s healthcare law. It was mostly a symbolic vote that accomplished nothing — or as Congress calls that, a vote.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Mitt Romney announced that he’s going to the Olympics in London next month. No word yet on whether he will be rooting for Switzerland, Bermuda, Luxemburg or the Cayman Islands. I’m not quite sure.” –Jay Leno

___

Follow MarioPiperniDotCom on Facebook, Twitter and Google+.
.