Late Night Political Humor

Collection of the week’s best late night political humor from Daniel Kurtzman’s Political Humor…and an open thread so feel free to rant or rave about whatever.

Happy Friday.

“While campaigning yesterday in Colorado, Mitt Romney made a stop at the fast-food restaurant Chipotle. The guy behind the counter was like, ‘Burrito?’ And Romney was like, ‘Hey there, Burrito. My name is Mitt Romney. Pleasure to meet you.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“The debates begin tomorrow night and we’ll see Mitt and Ann Romney. Of course, you remember them as the stars of TV’s ‘Dynasty.’” –David Letterman

“I love the presidential debates. At my house, what we do each night before they begin is we put out a plate of milk and cookies for Jim Lehrer.” –David Letterman

“Ann Romney says that if Mitt is elected she would worry about his mental health. Well, there’s a ringing endorsement.” –David Letterman

“Mitt Romney is doing what he can. He’s trying very hard. He wants to unite America, the rich with the wealthy, the poor with the indigent, and the white with the Caucasian.” –David Letterman

“The math behind how Romney can give everyone a 20% tax cut without bankrupting the government is just way too advanced for us regular folk to understand. It’s unfathomably complex, like string theory. You’d have to grasp that the universe is actually 11 coexistent dimensions, eight of which is where Romney shelters his wealth.” –Stephen Colbert

“Here’s another blow to the Romney campaign. Earlier today, that empty chair endorsed Obama” –David Letterman

“In Arnold Schwarzenegger’s new book, he says his first clue that the housekeeper’s son was his was when the boy started looking like him. His second clue was when he was the only Mexican kid with an Austrian accent.” –Conan O’Brien

“Arnold Schwarzenegger was on ’60 Minutes’ promoting his book. He said you can’t run from your mistakes. You have to confront them. Yeah, especially if they look exactly like you and keep calling you dad.” –Conan O’Brien

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